Great Men

As many of you know, my father-in-law, Dan, passed away on May 3rd.

My own father passed away in January. I will miss both of these men; they have both had a profound influence on me, my family and my life. They were both great men.

I wrote the following as a tribute that I gave at my Dad's funeral. I think the thoughts expressed in this apply equally to Dan--the details might be different, but the sentiments are the same.

My father was a Great Man.

He didn't make a million dollars, or run for office, or invent the next Rubik's cube. A couple of years ago, I interviewed him for a family history paper I wrote on the Winner family, and Dad expressed some disappointment in his life--that he hadn't accomplished greater things, especially the millionaire dream. I suppose many people feel some disappointment or dissatisfaction as some of their youthful dreams and aspirations get set aside by the realities of life. But my Dad was great in the things that matter most.

Dad about 5 years old on the farm in Topeka, Kansas with his dog, Jiggs.

He was a great husband. He loved my mother. The one thing we kids could do that was guaranteed to make Dad angry was to be rude or disrespectful to our mom. Dad expressed to me many times that he was a lucky man to be married to mom.

Dad and Mom

He was a great friend to everyone; from his poker buddies of 40-plus years, to a waitress in a restaurant to a stranger on the street, Dad was kind and respectful to them all. Last summer I went with Dad to the drugstore to pick up one of his prescriptions. Dad knew the young man ringing us up--Dad called him by name, asked him how he was doing. The young man knew Mr. Winner too.

Dad with his poker buddies on one of their annual trips to Vegas.

Dad was a great teacher. Of course he taught us the day to day tasks like riding a bike and balancing a checkbook, but he taught us so many more things by what he did. I remember a story he told of when he returned from serving in the Navy in WWII, he went back to Texas where he had lived as a teen. He got a job driving a bus--but when he learned he would have to tell anyone of color to go to the back of the bus, he quit; saying that that was just plain wrong.

Dad gave me my first bunny, Buttons.

He taught us the value of education. I remember Dad asking us at the dinner table what we had learned that day in school. Sometimes Monica and I would look up obscure words in the dictionary, just so we would have something to say. Dad regretted not having finished his own college education, and he always encouraged and supported us financially and otherwise to finish our degrees. His sacrifices enabled all of us to attend college, though so far only Monica managed to finish--but she completed two degrees, so maybe she makes up for Michael and I. I regret that I was unable to finish my degree before Dad's death-- but I will finish within the year. Out of Dad's five grandchildren, four have gotten degrees, and the fifth just finished his freshman year of college.

Dad when he graduated from high school in Tucson, Arizona, the year after his own father

died suddenly in Galveston,Texas.

Dad was a great student and learner as well; he was always experimenting and learning new things. There was a time when Dad would cook us elaborate meals on Sundays when we came home from Church. I remember his homemade tomato soup, tasty fried chicken and gravy, and his delectable rice pudding--yum! He also dabbled in watercolors--painting portraits of our dog and still life's of Mom's beautiful roses. Of course he loved to sing and sang for many years with the Barbershoppers. He was good with his hands, and made a variety of things in his workshop in the garage--such as the miniature barbershop chair used by the Barbershoppers for their annual awards. One year for Christmas he made us all clear acrylic clocks with our names on them. He loved to take pictures of family gatherings, and was constantly trying out new cameras. Most recently, he was taking guitar lessons.

Dad won $5 for this photo he took of my sister and I.

Dad the entrepreneur--with the Bantam chickens he raised.

And Dad was a great father. I remember him bringing home paper dolls and coloring books when we were sick, and best of all, he would even join us in those activities, though we were often indignant as he colored people with blue faces and green arms. Dad was always interested in hearing about our lives, our interests and our thoughts. He took us fishing, on picnics, to the beach, camping and to the breakwater on dark, foggy nights.

My Dad admired and often read books about great men such as Benjamin Franklin and Albert Einstein. A quote from one of his books on Einstein says:

"Our death is not an end if we can live on in our children and the younger generation. For they are us; our bodies are only wilted leaves on the tree of life."

We will miss our Dads everyday for the rest of our lives--but they will live on in each of us.

Dad and I last summer in Santa Ynez.

Ken and Dan 2009

My father was a Great Man. As was my father-in-law. I am grateful for the time we had together.